A Northern Transplant Comments On The South: Part 1

Whenever one moves from a town she has known her entire life to a new location a thousand miles away, she expects to confront the unknown. My mom gave me the idea to start cataloging some of my more unusual encounters as an Ohio native in the Deep South. I hope you all enjoy.

I am sure at some point I will discuss the communication problems, traffic jams, and the lax customer service that I've dealt with in Baton Rouge, but today's blog revolves around a problem I never expected to encounter - finding an item in the grocery store.

I know that those of you with families go to the grocery store armed with a list of necessary items, so it may shock you to know that there are people like me. When I go to the store, I have a mental list of the things I absolutely must have - bread, milk, string cheese, nuts - but I wing everything else. I never know what I am going to want to eat until I am there, so I often plan meals on the fly.

So, today, imagine my excitement when I saw fresh scallops for sale at the seafood counter of Albertson's. I bought half a pound and decided to cook up an Italian/Greek fusion dish that I like to make (only with scallops instead of shrimp). I strolled back to produce for peppers and onions and only needed two more items - olive oil and artichoke hearts (they do not have any fresh artichokes at Albertson's, so don't start judging me, foodie snobs).

Now let me pause here and describe a Midwest grocery store. There are your usual sections - Dairy, Meat, Produce, etc. We also have a generically labeled aisle called "Ethnic." Here, you'll find seperate sections for Italian, Mexican, Kosher, Mediterranean (which includes all geographic locations from India to Egypt) and Asian (which includes, you guessed it, the entirety of Asia). These categories are, admittedly, borderline offensive, but if you need olive oil, you know it won't be anywhere near the refried beans.

Back to Baton Rouge. I stroll over to where the spaghetti sauce and noodles are held. No olive oil. A friendly employee, seeing my confusion, asked if I could use a hand. I told him I needed olive oil and artichoke hearts, and he helpfully said, "Well you're in the right area."

Thanks. So the olive oil wasn't near the "Italian" food, so I decided to look by the dressings. Nothing. How about in the baking aisle next to the Canola and Vegetable oils? Wrong again. I started systematically walking up and down the aisles until I found what I needed - next to the cereal.

I shit you not, dear readers. Olive oil, artichoke hearts, some random noodles, and biscotti mix were right next to Cap'N Crunch.

I know you do not need to be an experienced cook to manage a grocery store, but I assume that whoever runs Albertson's has, at one point in his or her life, eaten a meal. Let me ask you this - have any of you... EVER... said after eating a bowl of cereal, "You know, that was good, but next time instead of milk - I'm going to dump some olive oil on this shit."

I presume your answer is the same as mine: Gross!!

And before you think I'm spoiled by Midwestern conveniences, let me assure you that I have shopped for groceries in a plethora of cities including Rome (one of the most illogical cities I've ever been in), and I have never once had trouble finding something.

I still haven't figured out what it is that makes this place so counterintuitive, but I plan on exploring this for the next few years. All I can say is that this place will keep me on my toes.